| How to begin a conversation
in Australia and Indonesia |
I was surprised when I learnt that it was taboo to ask questions in your
first meeting with Australian people. How can we be acquainted with someone
if we don’t ask questions?
We Indonesian people usually ask questions to encourage friendship. That
is our way to start conversation. In Australia, however, we can’t
do that. Asking questions in the first meeting with a stranger means intruding
on someone’s privacy. What Australian people do is to state general
comment about something. Afterwards, we have to wait for the person’s
response. If there isn’t a response that means there isn’t
a conversation. To be honest, it is very funny for me as an Indonesian
person!
(Rony Megawanto)
Yes I agree Rony, it does seem funny from an Indonesian point
of view! To understand why it's like that though, we have to remember
that in Australian culture you show your respect for others by respecting
their space and privacy. First it’s really important when
you approach someone to read their non-verbal language to make sure
that they really want to be approached. Then you have to work out
if they feel like having a conversation. By making general comments
you are giving them the chance to show if they want to talk or not.
If they don’t respond much that means they don’t feel
like talking at that moment. In Australian culture it is OK if someone
just wants to be left alone sometimes. We see that as normal and
healthy. If they do want to talk, we can ask questions but we’re
careful with personal questions because we don’t want to intrude
on their privacy. So for example if we want to find out where they
live instead of asking, "What’s your address?”
we might ask, “Do you live around here?” That way they
don’t feel pressured to give a direct answer if they don’t
want to. In the same way instead of asking “What’s your
name?”, we might just introduce ourselves with a digression,
for example, “Oh by the way, I’m ______”. Then
they can either choose to introduce themselves or not.
|
|
|
| How to establish rapport
with a stranger in Australia and Indonesia |
After studying cross-cultural studies, I have come to the conclusion
that all people in the world have the same values or ethics. Although
we are all a bit different in expressing our respect to others, we all
have the same principles for respecting others. Therefore, to begin a
conversation with someone in any culture, we have to show our respect
to him/her. You may begin with a nice smile. If he or she smiles at you
too it means that he/she wants to talk to you.
Some of my friends say that Indonesians have a different way of starting
a conversation. We usually begin by asking someone’s name, age or
job, while western people begin with an expression like ‘Nice weather
we’ve been having lately isn’t it!’ To some extent this
may be true, but in my opinion, most of us do not feel comfortable when
someone new talks to us by directly asking personal questions.
(Uddin)
| Opening a conversation
with a native speaker |
When I did trekking in Lombok, I met an Australian man while I was on
the ferry. I bravely opened a conversation with him by making comments
about something, which I’d learnt in our cross cultural class. It
was true that the Australian guy responded politely to me when I did this.
While the Australian guy was looking at the beautiful mountains, I walked
alongside him and pretended to look at the mountains too. I deliberately
gave a little cough and he looked at me. After that, I opened the conversation,
“It’s a beautiful mountain, isn’t it?” He answered,
“Yes, it is”. After I asked several questions about the places
he had visited in Indonesia, I remembered digression. I practised it then,
by saying, “By the way, where do you come from?” “Perth,
in Australia”, he said. I told him that I was going to do my Masters
at Curtin University in Perth but that I’d never been there before.
He told me what Perth looked like, described Curtin University campus
in detail and told me about living expenses as well. At the time I thought
that, probably, he wouldn’t have spoken so openly to me if I had
directly asked him what Perth looked like, etc without firstly giving
a comment on something.
(Irvan)
|
