Worries about Making Friends
| I'm worried that I'll have difficulties making friends in Australia
because I'm a shy person. Usually, even in Indonesia, I just smile
at people and wait for them to talk to me first. How much harder will
be to make friends in a second language! Here at IALF I've noticed
how foreigners who are studying Bahasa Indonesia start making friends
with us. They usually break into the conversation by saying 'Excuse
me', or 'Sorry' and then they start talking. I know that if I'm afraid
to start talking, I'll never make friends in Australia What should
I do to let go of my fears. (Endang) |
We really understand your doubts Endang but don't be too worried. Remember
in Australia you will meet a lot of people who are shy too! Even if you
lack the confidence to approach strangers yourself you'll find that people
will approach you-as long as you don't look 'closed' as if you want to
be 'left alone'. So when walking around campus or in your department,
don't avoid looking at people's eyes, briefly glance at them to see if
they look friendly and if they return your glance and smile, smile back.
That's the first step in making friends. Usually from there we go onto
raising our eyebrows and nodding in recognition when we see that person
again and from there onto a brief greeting when we run into each other
on our travels. We might have this kind of relationship for weeks before
we actually start talking to each other-it prepares the path. Be careful
of people who don't obey these 'rules' because they may have ulterior
motives. The only exception to this is old people, who because of their
social isolation are usually very keen to chat to anyone. So if you want
to practice chatting with Aussies, choose an older person-they will really
appreciate your attention and they are usually not in a hurry.
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Australian Sense of Humor
I have been having this problem for some time now and I was wondering
if you can help me out. There is a PhD student in my office that has
made some weird remarks to me and I have no idea whether he's joking,
being sarcastic or is passive-aggressive.
Example 1: I was elected as a postgrad student representative in the
university's Postgraduate Board. PhD students in my school have this
weekly morning tea but I often miss it due to other appointments or
because I simply forget. One day after a morning tea, which I did
not attend, this guy came up to me and said "Are you a politician?"
I was perplexed "Sorry?" He replied "You're our representative,
right? That's why I asked you if you are a politician." I replied
"Well, I don't see myself as a politician but yes I have been
elected as a postgrad rep." Then he said "You missed a political
chance this morning because you didn't come to the morning tea."
He left before I had the chance to clarify what he meant.
Example 2: I recently attached a small Christmas decoration (plastic
holly and santa claus) on my computer monitor - just to have the Christmas
feeling. Just this morning this guy walked into my cubicle, pointed
at the decoration, and said, "You are pretty ecumenical, huh?"
(ecumenical=religious in a Christian sense). I was concentrating on
my reading and didn't hear him properly so I asked "Sorry?"
He repeated his remark, and before I could decide how to respond he
just left me. Please let me know what you think! |
It seems to me you're probably just encountering the irreverent Australian
sense of humor, which loves poking fun at religious or authority symbols
and uses a lot of irony and sarcasm to do this. Being 'witty' in Australia,
is often about throwing comments at others that have double or hidden
meanings and then engaging in a bit of 'verbal dueling' with them, where
they are supposed to come up with a quick equally sarcastic or ironic
retort. This kind of verbal dueling is seen to be fun and clever.
Remember in Australia, a 'sombong' (arrogant) person is someone who takes
him or herself too seriously to the point they can't handle someone poking
fun at them. The true test of someone's good character in Australia is
their capacity to have a joke on themselves or to graciously allow others
to have a joke at their expense. We call it not minding someone 'taking
the piss out of you'. It may seem really 'off' at the beginning but over
time you will probably find it quite amusing Here is a good web site for
you to take a look at to understand the convict origins of this anti-authority
sense of humor http://www.convictcreations.com/culture/comedy.htm |
