Misunderstanding about gift giving
Once, at a conference, I met an Australian lecturer who I really admired.
He was very kind, warm, and I got many valuable things from him. In our
culture, we are always very keen to give something to a special guest
and I thought very hard about what I could give him to express my appreciation.
Finally I decided to give him some special jackfruit crackers. But what
happened when I gave my gift to this Australian lecturer? He gave it straight
back to me and said in front of many people: "Thanks, but I can't
take them with me and anyway I can find these easily in Australia".
I was totally shocked by his response and felt very confused. This is
because in our culture even though we don't like something given by someone,
we always say thanks and praise them for their thoughtfulness, even if
later we give their gift to someone else. My thoughts were, this lecturer
is very honest but he didn't really consider other people's feelings.
(Sitti Maesuri)
You're right Sitti, it sounds like he acted in a very thoughtless
manner although he probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings. In Australia
we are also taught to express appreciation for a gift, however gift giving
is usually something done between friends or family. Australians are generally
uncomfortable about giving gifts to those who are in a position to influence
their lives because they're afraid that it might be seen as an attempt
to 'buy that person's favour'. (Sonja)
Showing you are proud of your own accomplishment
One day I was talking to one of my IALF teachers about how my IELTS listening
score had increased significantly after studying 9 months and that I felt
I'd made good progress because I now enjoyed listening to English news
and watching English films even without Bahasa Indonesia subtitles. After
listening to me my teacher said, "You must be very proud of your
achievement". Because I'm Indonesian I didn't want to 'show off'
my proud feelings so I answered "No, not really". My teacher
smiled and at the time I wondered why. Two days later I read an article
in "Time" Magazine featuring an interview with an American businesswoman.
In reply to a question about her achievements she answered that she was
very proud of all of her efforts to achieve success. Then, I realized
that when my teacher asked me whether I was proud of my achievement, perhaps
I should have answered, "Yes, I am proud of it". (Wati)
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Egalitarianism
One aspect of Anglo culture that was quite interesting for me when I
joined IALF is the idea of egalitarianism. I frequently noticed an example
of this spirit during guest lectures. Usually, there was a question time
during these lectures mediated by one of the IALF managers. It really
surprised me that the IALF manager moved around the audience giving the
microphone to whichever student wanted to speak. In Indonesia, a 'boss'
would be reluctant to do something like that, instead they would order
their subordinates to do it. To me, the IALF manager's actions symbolized
the spirit of equality. (Dali)
Wheat Philosophy
In January 2004, I did an IELTS interview as part of applying for an
ADS Scholarship. First we had a short briefing and the interviewer made
a joke, "Remember don't use the rice philosophy approach, but the
wheat philosophy one". What did he mean by that? Well with rice,
the more grains on the stalk, the more bowed over it is whereas with wheat,
the more grains on the stalk the more upright it stands. In the Eastern
philosophy, the more a person knows the more humble they should become
- like the fully-laden rice plant. The wheat philosophy on the other hand
means not being afraid to show what you know and to be able to 'self-promote'.
Luckily I used the wheat philosophy approach in my interview and I was
able to win an ADS scholarship. (Niko)
No gap between lecturers and students
In Australian academic culture, there's no gap between students and lecturers.
Once my lecturer in International Law asked me to give a speech in his
class on "Islamic Law in Indonesia and its Implementation".
The following weekend he invited me to dinner at his house with his family.
Before the dinner he rang me and asked what kind of food I liked. Then,
because I didn't know how to get to his house, he picked me up from my
flat. When I arrived at his house, he introduced me to all to his family
and took me around the house and showed me all the rooms, even the bathroom
and kitchen. What surprised me was that he'd prepared and cooked the dinner
all by himself without any help from his wife. Interestingly, he also
invited two of his friends who he thought would have something in common
with me. Because he knows I'm a lawyer, a Moslem and I cover my hair with
a veil, he invited one of his friends who's also a Moslem, covers her
hair, and works as solicitor. This made our dinner party livelier. (Nurul)
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